THIS ISNT MY BLOG LOL

MY NEW BLOG

also neglected. XD;

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4 illustration Friday. it's a puffer fish. C:

TT____TT

I just don't know what to do when my friends are depressed or hurt. I just don't know how to make the right words of sympathy come out of my face. I don't know how to make feelings into words like some strange alchemist. It just doesn't want to come out.

Sometimes I end up sounding useless and petty. Or sometimes I end up sounding angry... like at Jeremy. I just cant help, most of the time.

Sorry.

WHO WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO?

I DO OMG.

Lols. I say that tv show last night... it was really funny and awesome. I want to draw Creature, and Feedback, and... who was that one guy? Major Victory? I mean the guy who was really funny because he exagerated everything like a superhero. He say that crying little girl looking for her mother, and he said, WHO IS THIS LITTLE GIRLS MOTHER? Then he saw the office sign and to take her there, he's like, "Here, jump into my arms." It was hilarious. XD

My and my mom was sooooo happy to see Iron whatever get booted. The twist at the end was crazy awesome too though. =x

Ner nernern ner STEREOACTIVE! Lol it's me. As a superhero.



LOOOOL. Somebody commented on my blog to tell me
"Reminder:
The new season of Noah's Arc premieres on Logo on August 9th! And they will sneak preview the first episode on the logo website on Tuesday, August 8th- same day the dvd box set of season 1 hits stores.
So tune in!!!"

..... yeah. Yeah, actually I am going to watch it. XD I'm such a dork. I thought I would maybe let it go to save face but, if somebody took a few seconds out of their day to tell me this, I think I will watch it. Lol.

Lion king 2

<3333 I just re-watched Lion King 2, Simba's Pride for the first time in nearly... half a year, maybe? it was really good. I laughed, I cried, I ran out to tell my mom about stuff about it four times. (that means it's REALLY good)

Kovu is adorable, and I even like Kiara, even though she's a little too perfect. I cried when Nuka died. I want the soundtrack. Those are some amazing songs, maybe even better than the first one, and I have the soundtrack for that.

(randomly, I've fallen in love with the Axel/Roxas pairing from Kingdom hearts 2. Man, they are like, so canon. Especially on Axel's side. He's so totally like omg roxas marry me lol. Okay well maybe not that but... you have to play the game to know. lol I didn't play the game, but I watched all the slashy bits at Sara's house and on Youtube.)

I drew some crappy lions. The first two are Keiji and Jeep, and the third one is Kovu and Kiara.

self-evaluation

You know what I've been realizing lately? When I step back, and look at myself, I'm not a good person. Like Larry, from the Stand, I "ain't no nice guy."

I lash out. In defense, or just in anger, or sadness, or pretty much anything. So, what I'm saying is, I'm mean. All the time. Also, I would probably be ecstatic if everyone in the whole world fell in love with me so I could break their hearts. I could be my own therapist, because I know for a fact that my problem is that I judge my value by people I've rejected, like a collage.

This is a very undesirable trait in a person, I don't think I need to point out.

I have no internal drive to do anything. My mom doesn't believe this even though I tried to tell her. I don't draw because I love drawing. I do enjoy drawing, about half the time, but only about as much as I like reading or eating or watching tv. The reason I draw is that I want to get good enough that people love my art the way I love Humon or Klar's art. I want to get so many comments that I don't have to answer them. How terrible is that?

I play up on my addictions and my fandoms for attention. Okay, so, I do love yaoi/shota/anime. But I'm not content to just love those things, and I wouldn't care half as much, except that I have the added hobby of making sure everyone knows about it. When someone thinks shota-complex, I want them to think CARMEN. I want to monopolize the subjects I love in everybody's mind so I'm never forgotten or expendable. I don't grow in peoples minds as a person, I make them see me as a character.

I think of all the negative things about everyone I know, even the people I love. If they're manipulative, whiny, suck-ups, fake, slow, or self-centered, I've got it down on my mental card for them and chances are I've gossiped about it behind their back, or even told it to their face when I was angry. Strangely, I never fight and I rarely argue, but I have a mean streak a mile wide. And now the whole world knows about it.

If you're wondering why I'm doing this, YES, I am trying to convince everyone that I'm a terrible person and that nobody should be my friend. It'll save you from a lot of crap. I feel I owe it to anyone who knows me to know the truth about. Which is that I suck.

End self-evaluation.

...... yeah, okay, I'm still mad.

I exaggerated on a lot of this. I just needed to vent, or else I wouldn't be able to talk to her without being angry anymore. This took forever though.... I kind of like it.



[EDIT]

I thought this was funny. This is from March 5th, 2005. That's about a year and three months ago. A VERY OLD self portrait.

This is from about a week and a half ago. The new and (very much?) improved self portrait. Okay, it's me as a boy... but the same principle applies.